momydu
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� 2007-07-24 Again I haven't updated in forever. I wasn't planning on updating today either, but got some really bad news about my Grandma Faith, and I needed to write down how I am feeling. My Mom heard from her sister an hour or so ago. My Grandma was sleeping, after her doctors appointment. They found out that my Grandmas cancer is back. She also has a blood clot in her heart. They had done a p.e.t. scan, to make sure the last round of chemo had done it's job, and the answer is no. Saddest part of all? I think she is now ready to give up. I don't mean I disagree with her decision, if she does indeed decide not to proceed with chemo and whatever else they want to do, but sad in that I realize it will mean that she really won't be here much longer. My earliest memory of her is when I was maybe three or four, and she was making me a hamburger sandwich, with velveeta cheese on white bread. I remember her voice, telling me to not eat yet, that it was hot. I picture her smile, her wavy hair, and the smell of the kitchen. I remember her kisses, and hugs, both hard and almost painful, but comforting at the same time. Her skin was dark, and her hands were wrinkled. The past three years have been a roller coaster of her being sick, and then better, battling cancer in many parts of her body, heart problems, and always seeming to overcome everything. If she does decide to give up on the medical treatments, I will have to accept that it really is the end, and I guess even after three years, I just am still not ready. The strange thing is, I talked to her a week or so ago, and I could tell she wasn't herself. She was acting weird, and I got a bad vibe about it. Apparantly, my feelings were right. Anyway, I had to write it down. I am going to go wait to her back from my Mom on what my Grandma wants to do. I will update on that later.
I love you forever - 2007-10-04
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