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2005-02-09

Here we go again

The cancer is on her liver. A small nodule. The cancer doctor says it is slow growing. My grandma doesn't want chemotherapy. They will do blood tests monthly. She sees her surgeon next week to see if it is worth removing it, and taking the risks of surgery.

It is just the worst possible news, and I am crushed. My Grandma is her ever positive self, but is very sure she won't want to do anything about it. I want to be selfish and beg her to do the chemo, but I of course won't. I am also feeling myself questioning God. Like why? Why first the colon cancer, then the thyroid, and now this. Then I have the guilt from the questioning, especially when my Grandma would be the first to tell me that God has a plan for her, not a punishment. My prayers have now gone from my needs for my Grandma, to just turning it over to God.

Anyway, I am pooped from crying. Richard had school tonight, and so E. came over (with Starbucks) and cheered me up. She is so thoughtful sometimes, it really makes me feel very blessed. I have to go to bed now, my head hurts from the crying.

previously next

I love you forever - 2007-10-04
Breeana and Mom - 2007-09-25
First baby - 2007-09-19
The results - 2007-07-31
12 dasy until work - 2007-07-29