momydu
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� 2001-11-14 Go away I am a happy person most of the time, especially the last year that I have been out of contact with my dad. But after the letter from his new wife, and now another one to my sister, I am once again feeling the stress and drama that used to be my life. Last night I ate for comfort. Last night I almost had a panic attack. Last night I pretended to be asleep so I didn't have to make love to my husband. Why is this happening? My dad, that is why. There are too many memories, too much pain, and when it gets stirred up this way I start to feel like a child again. Today I called my husband at work and told him how much I love him, I tickled my kids before school and got lots of kisses, and I made sure I cleaned instead of ate. This is how it has to be. I am second guessing myself, but the truth is, this is how my relationship with him must be. I see the consequences of just having this tiny bit of communication, I can't open myself up to more. Ok, I have to go get my girl from school, today is a short day.
I love you forever - 2007-10-04
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