momydu
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� 2002-12-05 My life, explained I always knew what I wanted in life. A marriage to a nice man, two children, maybe three, and a house. I didn't make big plans, and I didn't ever think I would get what I wanted anyways. My father had a way of crushing dreams, and self esteem. I graduated from High school and right after that my parents divorced. I learned soon after that that had always been the plan on my Moms part, wait until she graduates and then you can leave him. This left me with incredible guilt. How many years had she been unhappy? Why did she put me first? I was very self destructive after they split, even though it was secretly what I always wanted . I met a boy, got completely wrapped up in him, and was able to escape to his house every night, because my Mom was busy with her new "single" life. To make a long story short, I got pregnant. I found out I was pregnant a week after I had finally figured out the relationship I was in wasn't working. I continued on with my pregnancy, sad to realize what I was bringing my daughter into. I had my daughter, surrounded by friends and my Mom, and was so happy to have my sweet baby, even though I knew it would be very hard. She was my angel, and she gave my life meaning. Only, I was a single parent, no interest from her Dad. After several months of staying at home with my daughter, and working, my best friends got me to go on a blind date with a very nice guy. I was not interested in him, even though he was very kind to me. We went to play pool, and my friends and I were having so much fun when I saw a guy staring at me from the other side of the room. My friend noticed me looking, and him looking back, and snuck over and gave him my phone number. He called me, we saw eachother a few times, and I knew he was the one, I don't even know how I knew. Unfortunately he was in the Marines, and was shipping out for six months. So, we exchanged addresses, I cried because I thought I was going to miss out on a real chance of happiness, but I was wrong. We exchanged letters and packages over those six months, along with several phone calls, and we fell in love, so sweetly. When he came home from overseas me, my daugter and him all became a family, he says he fell in love with both of us. By that time her biological father had seen her a few times, forced by his Mother but wasn't interested in being her Dad. He disappeared, and my now husband and I got married, with my daughter, now his daughter, right there with us. We became a family, and my heart was so full of love. My husband is her father, in every way. After we were married almost a year I became preganant with my son, and our family was complete. I have what I always wanted, and I know how blessed I am. Now when I think back to the days when I felt so alone, and so hurt, I can replace those thoughts with the ones where I had my baby girl, when I met my husband, when we married, and then had our son. This time of year I tend to get even more sentimental, and appreciative of my life. Something I would love to do one day is to be able to talk to teenage girls, and really explain the need to wait for marriage for sex. I would love to make a difference, to have my experience help someone else, but as my sister says, my life isn't really a great example, because things worked out for me. For now I use my experiences to make my childrens lives different. Just ask my daughter what the plan for her is, and she can recite word for word " Graduate High school, got to college, make a wonderful career for myself, meet a nice man, get married, decide whether or not to have a family." I know that all of those dreams may be a bit unrealistic, but I figure if you shoot high, then falling a bit short is okay : ) The most important thing in our family is honesty, and I am so glad that my kids can talk to me and their Dad about whatever they are feeling without thinking they will be ridiculed. God gives us lessons for a reason, I think, and now I know why I had the ones I had.
I love you forever - 2007-10-04
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